i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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