When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
