Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
