did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
