Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
