Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
