May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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