Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
