Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
