i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dick has a subreddit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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