He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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