Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
