Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
