i need an iv and a liver transplant
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
