woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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