Pappa wants mamma naked
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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