ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
