My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
