WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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