the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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