I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
