I seem to have left my pride at pride
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
