For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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