my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize