There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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