Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
