I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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