So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
