you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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