Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
