i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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