i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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