I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
