even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
