i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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