dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
