So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
