been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
