You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i've created a new STD.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
