I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
