You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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