I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
