you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
