dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i was born a porn star she said
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
