He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
