Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
