Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
