remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
40s are totally the cure
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
