At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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