I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
