If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
