This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
