My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
