my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
