I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
