i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She bit a glass in half.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
