Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
