i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Enjoy the penises
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
