Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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