He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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