i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
