The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
