Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
