Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He shit in the fireplace
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
