he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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