remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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