I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
