you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
