He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize