I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
