Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
