i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
