No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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