from now on my penis is your penis
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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