You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize