I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
