Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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